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The Silver Vamp: Gabriele Caccini, The Vampire Gene

on June 10, 2008 5:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I just finished reading Gabriele Caccini: The Vampire Gene - Book 1 (The Vampire Gene) by Paigan Stone. This book won the silver Book of The Year Award from ForeWord Magazine ... beating out Cluck and Footfalls. While I'm sad that I didn't get the award (why isn't there an award for fourth place?) I'm pleased that the books that beat me are very well done. Well, so far I've only read two: the bronze and the silver, but I can assume by what I've read so far that the Gold winner must be pretty special.

On the surface, the story of Gabriele Caccini is a classic telling of the "Vampire Who Wants to be Loved." In place of the tired cliche of the vampire who wants to be human, however, we have a vampire who really is human: he's hardly a monster at all, obsessing more about love than blood. He starves himself to his own despair, allowing himself to feed only once a year in his quest to find the woman who can be both his victim and his lover.

The story is told in an interleaved style, folding back and forth between Gabriele's past and present. In the past, Gabriele becomes a vampire, a development which causes him to lose his first love. In the present, he continues his quest for the woman who can survive to become his eternal bride. His repeated failures, both in the past and present, shape a character ripe with despair. Both tales are wrought with love, lust, and tragedy. Without giving away the ending, there is also a convergence of the plot that leaves the book well situated for a sequel (a planned sequel is evident in the title, so you can look forward to it).

Now, vampire-romances are not my cup of proverbial tea, so I am no expert here, but I wasn't expecting to read a book about vampires where the vamps had such real weaknesses of character: self-confidence issues; not being able to fit in; unable to come to terms with their vampirism ... that kind of thing. I actually got irritated at the main character for not being bad-ass enough (I mean, come on man! You're four hundred years old ... grow a pair!). That may sound like a dig, but it is actually a compliment: any character that gets a rise out of me is a character written well enough that I'm thinking about them as a personality and not a plot mechanism.

There were plentiful doses of sex to feed the desires of those looking for a romance fix, though these scenes were more civilized that you expect from a romance novel (well, than I what I expect ... and I admittedly don't read them). Overall, the clear and colorful characters are what makes Gabriele Caccini: The Vampire Gene - Book 1 (The Vampire Gene) a book worth reading - and the silver medal that it earned.

Four-and-a-half Feathers from the Rooster King. Pros: strong character development, well structured plot. Cons: wussy vampire, too much romance, not enough horror.

Baby Got Paper Back: Why Women Read Naked

knappy

on June 10, 2008 1:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

When I posted Women Think Men Who Read Zombie Chicken Books are Hot, my traffic jumped over 500% for a week. Now, I'm not stupid: I know that my readership naturally includes literate, sophisticated ladies and gentlemen ... but with a plot concerning zombie chickens, it also includes some weirdos and perverts. So, to capture my audience, I need to post something concerning boobies every so often. To that end, I went searching for more sexy stock photos of hot, lusty women who were also reading my book.*

What did I find? I found what everyone finds when they search for answers in a half-assed, non-scientific manner. I found the truth. The truth is: Women Read Naked. Maybe just topless, maybe sans-pantaloons, maybe just with breast-revealing unbuttoned blouses, but for a 30-something married guy, that's more or less the same as being naked.

They were everywhere: students reading books while wearing sweaters so tight that it would be impossible for them to turn the pages without getting paper-cuts on their nipples; Women lounging in bed, their perfect pendulous prizes barely hidden by the fluff of the featherbed, a book spread sensually before them; Wonky-eyed women clutching an open copy of Cluck to their bare chests in wonton embrace.

Now, I wasn't running a google image search with the parental controls turned off, using keywords like 'sexy nude women boobs breasts natural live xxx +book' (I tried but the results were too disturbing). I wasn't searching porn sites or sleazy image galleries. Rather, I was searching legitimate stock photo art sites, looking for images that I could legitimately purchase and use to lure browsers from those "other sites" to mine, in hopes that they'd take time out from their internet fetish-play fantasies and buy a book about zombie chickens.

Now I know what you're saying. You're saying, "did you ever stop to think that maybe the women reading books are all topless and hot because you're searching a stock-art site, which is populated with nothing except photos of models posing seductively, because those photos are designed for marketing folks like you, with the sole intention of luring people into buying decisions based solely on a libido response?" Well, that is a distinct possibility, so I won't even criticize your use of an amazingly long run-on sentence. However, I still prefer to draw my own conclusions, which is that women simply like to read in the buff. It's a much more concise explanation.

This leads to the next question, which is: Why?

It could be that thing about the media, and sex, and money, but I think it has more to do with free will. Isn't it nicer know that we're not complete slaves to the media? isn't it better to pretend that sex doesn't sell? For example, this woman here, to the left, is:

a) contemplating the finer qualities of zombie chicken fiction while sitting in a (presumably) public hallway, clearly lacking pants (i.e., free choice).

b) the sole product of manipulative advertising specialists (i.e., enslaved zombies).

I'm much happier with 'a'. She's not wearing pants because she doesn't want to wear pants while she's reading such a fantastic book. In fact, it's unclear at first whether she's even wearing panties, but if you zoom way in using photo-editing software, you can see that she is (not that I did that, that would be creepy). Judging by the angle of the book, she's not even reading it: rather, she's contemplating how much she wishes she knew more people who read zombie chicken books, so that they could engage in wild sex parties together. Again, this is free choice at work, and has nothing to do with my poor photo-editing skills. Honest. It's all about her. Further proof lies in the note, which clearly states, "To do: 1) read about zombie chickens, 2) go to a bar and pick up strangers who also also read zombie chicken books, 3) engage in wild, nude acts of giggling, tickling sex."** A marketing guy would never make something like that up, would they?

This almost-scientific approach to research led me to wonder if the clotheslessness of female readers was due to comfort, temperature, or (as implicated above) uncontrollable horniness. More painstaking research, wading through screen after screen of professional photos of attractive women (hey, it's a hard job but somebody has to do it), and I found the proof that I was determined to find: a fully clothed but obviously lusty redhead reading my book. Incontrovertable. I mean, really. Look at her:

Wow. If she's not about to take her clothes off, it's only because she doesn't really have to.

So, to answer the question using perfectly invalid scientific method, women read naked because that's the way they like it. End of story.

Need further proof? If you are a woman, buy a copy of my book, and read it. Feeling a bit constricted in that cotton? If you're a man, buy a copy of my book for your girlfriend and see if she takes her clothes off.*** If she does, ask her the same question. Remember, this is for posterity, so be honest.

* I did attempt to find real live hot, lusty women who were reading my book, but after abject failure I opted for stock art and photoshop.

** Well, it was clear before I shrunk the text down to 3-point font in order to fit it on that ridiculously small note.

*** Of course, if you're a guy, you left this site after getting to the first picture and are already anxiously awaiting the arrival of the FedEx truck).

Review: Footfalls, by Eddie Gresham

knappy

on June 4, 2008 4:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I posted this review at amazon a while ago, but in support of a fellow author I wanted to post it here, as well.

Footfalls is everything that you want in a horror story, pitting an honest and likable cast of characters against a mysterious (and seriously creepy) nemesis. Gresham's brilliant attention to detail in the portrayal of everyday life -- such as how a dog acts as his owner returns home, the way someone kicks off their boots, or a co-workers love for odd-tasting pizza -- adds considerable depth to the story, and I was pleased to see that the book maintained this quality through to the end. The author paints a vivid and highly immersive setting that drew me in from the beginning, putting me in the middle of a picture-perfect midwest town.

Footfalls is eerie, chilling, and haunting, but not overly graphic or terrifying; replacing gore with clever hints of danger and the type of steadily-growing tension that puts you on the edge of your seat. It is easy to read, and the short chapters make it easy to put down and pick up -- although I rarely put it down, devouring the entire story over a weekend. Footsteps is well written, well crafted, completely enjoyable, and highly recommended.

Since my original review, Footfalls also won a ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year award, which is worth mentioning. Even being selected as a finalist in that competition is an accomplishment, or so I hear ;-)

Book Expo Hits Me Like a Hurricane, or, 2 out of 3 Ain't Bad

knappy

on May 31, 2008 1:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Okay, so I was already a bit jet-lagged after flying to LA from New Hampshire, driving to San Diego for business, driving back late, and getting very little sleep. I was tired this morning when I packed for the expo. Everything unnecessary was pulled from my laptop bag, and several copies of my book were stuffed inside. I had sell sheets ready, and business cards, and a gleam in my eye. I got to the show at 8:45, and by the time the exhibit hall doors opened at 9:00, I was already feeling the pain. Six trade paperbacks and one laptop weigh a LOT. Well, Five trade paperbacks, as one was held in my hand like a mighty badge, to catch the eye of big publishers and agents with the sheer awe of the glossy, roostery goodness. The doors opened, and I enter.

This was my first trip to a BEA show, and I was not prepared. Now, I've worked many a high-tech trade event that were of similar size, with similarly large and pushy crowds. What I didn't expect was a fundamental reversal of capitalism: I expected people to be selling me books; instead, they were giving them to me! Free! Greed quickly sedated shock, and I started to accept some of the better titles offered (expect reviews). Six books turned into eight, then ten ... my muscles began to carry that slow constant burn that means "stop or you will regret this." My awesome, bright purple Bailey Works Bag helped, but not enough as the bag stretched to accommodate book after book after book ... My spine has compressed and I am now 2" shorter, and I may always walk with a limp.

So I was tired when I entered the theater for the ForeWord Book of The Year award ceremony. Sadly, I did not win. As one of four finalists, I expected I would (75% chance, right?), but I can't be disappointed. First, even making it to the Finalist level is an honor: the BOTY's are judged rigorously. Second, a new friend and fellow author, Eddie Gresham, won the Bronze. Third, I was able to meet the second place author, Paigan Stone. I'll be reading her book "Gabriele Caccini: The Vampire Gene - Book 1 (The Vampire Gene)" as soon as I can and posting a review here. There's no need for me to read Eddie's "Footfalls," because I've already read it - and it was fantastic (I would recommend it to any Stephen King fan). I was convinced he was going to take the Gold ... but then, I was also convinced that I would take the Silver. So much for my supernatural powers of prognostication. Anyway,it was nice to meet Eddie (who I've traded emails with since we were both selected as finalists), and I am very happy for him. No, not happy, proud. Give Eddie a hand, folks, and then go buy his book. Remember: If you want to eat, fund farms; if you want to live, fund medicine; but if you want to read, fund your independent authors - we are the wave of the future!

I also can't be disappointed because I won a Bronze medal in the IPPY awards, as well as a new award for "raising the bar" in independent publishing: an "Indie Excellence" award, from Odyssey Reviews. As the saying goes, "two outta three ain't bad!" The best part with the IPPY was the ceremony: we were called up to the front for photos, and a tall, red-gown woman placed real medals around our necks -- I felt just like Han Solo! The medal is large, heavy, and very kind to the ego.

There will be some followup posts on some of the cooler things about the show, such as the re-emergence of "choose your own adventure" books, a new tack on potentially starting a publishing company, and of course reviews of some of the more inspiring books.

One is "All Ye Zombies," which is a corporate-zombie book. The booth was manned by the most amazingly beautiful girl (my wife still takes first prize though!), but I was honestly drawn by the zombie title. Another is "The Nine Lives of Romeo Crumb, Life One" by L. Rifkin. The book is independently published and beautifully produced, and illustrated by Kurt Hartman. I was given a copy of the paperback, but the hardcovers were even more exquisite ... if I like this book I will likely pick up all of the hardcovers, for a complete nine book set (well, only the first few are available now, but eventually ...)

Video Killed the Radio Star, or, Managing Your Time for You

knappy

on May 1, 2008 3:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Or rather, "Writing Killed the Fanatical Reader." Since the publication of Cluck, and the work required for the sequel, I've barely had time to read anything. Even worse, I have a commitment to read books for an online reviewer, and I'm terribly far behind.

So today's topic is: Managing Your Time, with an emphasis on the "for You."

We all have the same problems. We need to accomplish several things every day in order to survive. We need to: eat enough to fuel our metabolism; and sleep for at least a few hours. For some of us, the amount of time we need to sleep is longer than others (I prefer at least six hours, and dream of a day when I can pack in 8 or even nine hours of restful sleep ... although I can't dream too much because I only have six hours to do it in, and I like to leave some room for more interesting dreams about robots, zombies, robot zombies, and maybe a sex dream. No zombies in the sex dreams, though. The right kind of robot, maybe, but no zombies).

Anyway, on top of those physical "in order to survive" requirements, there are those imposed upon us because of our participation in a civilized society. We must: earn money to pay for food, and to a mortgage so that we have a place to sleep; we must earn money to pay for a car to drive to work so that we can earn the afore-mentioned money for the afore-mentioned purchase of food; we must earn money to buy liquor because the afore-mentioned job, required to earn the afore-mentioned money, will cause us undue stress, sending us to the bottle like lambs to a teat.

The way I figure it: if you're lucky enough to get 7 hours of sleep, plus 1 hour for eating (not a lot spread over three meals) ... that's 8 hours, or one third of your day. 8 glorious hours of work, plus an hour a day driving to and from work ... that's nine hours, right? Wrong, because the "eight hour work day" is actually a nine hour work day, wasting an hour in the middle for "lunch" although no one ever gets to eat lunch for an hour because we have to do some stupid errand, or (worse) work through lunch to make some sort of deadline. So, we're an hour past 2/3 of the day ... leaving seven whole hours.

What do you do in seven hours?

I try to:

write a little bit of my book
read a little bit of someone else's book
promote my book
check my email
update this blog
talk to my loving (and very tolerant) wife
breath

Now, I live on a farm, so I lose another two hours or so to chores, but even so, five hours should be enough, right? ... right?

If only the time were unbroken and sequential, maybe, but as it is there's barely time to get to the "wife" part. I'd much rather that the money part didn't matter, and I could skip the workday and the book promotion, leaving time to spend with my farm-family and my absolutely beautiful wife, with enough let over to write purely for the enjoyment of writing, but only after lots of kissing and hugging (and whatnot).

What would you do?

THUD

knappy

on December 12, 2007 12:44 PM | Permalink

I've just finished reading THUD by Terry Pratchett. I read most Pratchett novels twice: the first time on an airplane, and then again a few months later on the ground. I think the duality of surface- and deep- entertainment is one of Pratchett's better qualities. When on a plane it's easy and fun reading (which is good, because his books are almost always in airport bookstores). When in a more appropriate setting, you can absorb more of the text and appreciate a whole new layer to his stories.

How do I get Terry Pratchett to endorse my book, Cluck, is what I want to know. That would also be nice on two levels: first it would make me feel good because I'm a huge fan; second it would sell a lot of books. There's very little chance that you're reading this, Mr. Pratchett, but if you are: I am officially begging. I'll wash your car, whatever. I am groveling.

Also, I'm trying to be better about posting reviews over at amazon so stop by and vote for my review!

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This blog is here to promote Cluck, and also to help the world laugh a little. "Cluck" is a Book. An award-winning book. Support a starving artist and buy ten copies today!