Home | About the Book | Reviews | The Toon | Buy on Amazon |

Recently in pets Category

Black Sheep

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)
It's a myth that sheep are the dumbest animals to walk on four legs. They're actually very intelligent and highly motivated ... it's just that their motivations tend to be limited to eating, eating, and on occasion eating some more.  Slightly less important than eating is survival.  Now you'd think that survival would come first for a species as far down on the food chain as the sheep, but that's certainly not the case with my black sheep.  

No, I'm not crossing over into the second-best niche-horror-genre and writing a novel based on that awesome New Zealand film Black Sheep.  I'm talking about a real black sheep.  I have three (well, one of them is more brown than black) in my small flock.  While they aren't murdering zombie sheep (like in the movie), they're just as compelled to eat.  Thank god they crave grass and not brains, because these sheep are amazing.  I bet you didn't know this, but sheep possess the strength of ten elephants when there is grain nearby.  It's like a food-geiger-counter inside the sheep started to crackle and buzz as they get closer, causing their muscles to strengthen as they lose all sense of the world around them and dive towards dinner.

I'm not weak (male, 185 pounds, 2nd degree black belt, in my 30's), and I got pulled in half by two sheep this morning. Yes, as I type this I am indeed two halves of one person.  Hopefully I'll heal in time for lunch or my food will fall out of the seam.  This is what happened:

We have new lambs in our flock, which means they get herded very carefully to their pasture (which gets moved around the field every few weeks - right now it's at the faaaar end). There are two ring-leaders among the flock who, due to sheer maliciousness of will, try to go anywhere but where they're supposed to go.  The others will follow them if left unchecked, and it's very hard to catch a rogue herd of loose sheep, so these two ewes (we'll call them "asshole" and "bastard face" for the sake of anonymity) have to be walked on a leash, like dogs, out to the pasture. This is fairly routine--a routine that includes having a prize of grain in the pasture, as well as a small dish of grain handy in case one of them get loose.  This morning, in mid-sprint (picture a man just under six feet tall running in a deep-knee crouch while pulling two reluctant sheep who are only three feet tall), I ... dropped ... the ... grain. 

One of the sheep noticed.  It was the black sheep, a.k.a. bastard-face.  Asshole kept running, having spotted the end-game prize of grain.  Bastard face slammed on her super-human brakes and pulled full force in the opposite direction.  Now picture the man, running n a deep-knee crouch, being spun, drawn into the air like some cartoon, and being ripped in half.

I'm gong to go get some coffee, and some paper towels in case it leaks back out through the split.

Enslaved by Ducks

| | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)
A few years back I bought the book Enslaved by Ducks, because it so mirrored my life.  Living on a farm started as quaint, and moved rapidly to 'exhasuting' with the addition of two donkeys, a flock of chickens, two ducks, six sheep, a rabbit, three more sheep, and of course dogs, cats, finches, cockatiels and fish.

Oh. My. God. 

I haven't slept soundly for a long period of time in years. My thoughts turned to the unheeded warnings in the pages of Enslaved by Ducks as my largest cat decided to chew on my feet this morning at about 4:00am.  That caused my to kick the bratty puss off the end of the bed, which made sufficient commotion to wake the dog, who felt that 4am is a fine time to get up and have breakfast, and before I knew there was a circus of cats and dogs whining, scratching and jumping about.  I am very tired, and even worse I have been enslaved by my ducks (to use the term).  My ducks are actually the only well behaved animals on the farm, but they get the title in honor of author Bob Tarte.


Who?

|

I went to put away the snowblower and lock up the chickens last night (basically, taking the opportunity to widen the path while combining two chores into one ... you know to make room for the next storm, which is coming tomorrow), and I noticed that all of the chickens were lined up out side the door to the coop in a big semi-circle, with our two runner ducks in the front. Now, this is strange, as chickens will typically go to roost at night, rather than hang around outside in sub-freezing weather. The coop is lit on the inside, and the snowblower has a headlight, so there was this bizarre semi-silhouetted arc of chickendom spreading out from the open coop door.

Smelling trouble, I park the snowblower and run over to the coop. The inside is empty, except for a (relatively) small owl, and one headless chicken, upon which said owl was perched. It was headless because the owl, apparently, thinks the head is the tastiest part and had eaten it clean off, leaving nothing but a bit of sinew and part (but not all ) of the skull.

First thought: yuck.

Second thought: how am I going to catch the owl and get it out of there? owls have beaks that look nasty-sharp (and can crack through chicken skulls, it would seem).

Third thought: how ironic that I am in a coop with a headless chicken. I half expected it to get up and start looking for its braiiiiins.

TO make a long story a little less long, Brave Wife arrived on the scene with a wool blanket, which we used to catch the owl. The thing was terrified, somewhat terrifying, and also completely beautiful. I had never seen an owl that close before, and I can now honestly say that they are absolutely stunning. I wished it hadn't eaten one of my chickens, but hey - this winter sucks for owls, too. Of course, we can't let it keep eating all of our chickens, so it went into a dog crate for the night, and will hopefully be re-located to a safe (for the chickens) distance away. Not being owl experts, we're leaving the "what to do" details up to Fish & Game.

"You Little Wonder, You" ...or... "Kermit the Reeves"

|

So, the wife is a veterinary technician, and after many long years of dutiful service in that particular occupation, the inevitable has finally happened: one kitten, 9 weeks of age and paralyzed due to a spinal injury, has been brought into our home for (at the least) love, and (at the most) recovery.

His name is "Kermit the Reeves", because when he sits up, his little stick out funny and he looks like Kermit the Frog. At the same time, he is a bundle of joy, full of life and happiness; he doesn't even seem aware of his loss, yet at the same time he is making slow and steady progress. He's a fighter, worthy of the Christopher Reeves reference.

Kermit the Reeves

We fostered him exactly one week ago today, just for the weekend, but when the owners decided that they couldn't take him, we decided to adopt him for good rather than put him to sleep. It's not like he's suffering - he scoots around faster than our oldest boy cat (who is a bit fat) and is quite agile considering he's dragging half of his body around behind him.

There's hope. Not much hope, but some. One week ago, he had no feeling in his legs or tail at all. Now, one week later, he can actually kick a little on his own, and will pull his foot clumsily away if you pinch his toes. At the moment he is getting constant care: frequent physical therapy to try and keep his legs strong, and regular bladder expressions (think: decorating a cake, but with a cat). He likes the former, and hates the later. But we do what we can, 'cuz the little tyke deserves it.

  Buy on Amazon
 Download Sample Chapters
  Podiobook Teaser
This text will be replaced

This blog is here to promote Cluck, and also to help the world laugh a little. "Cluck" is a Book. An award-winning book. Support a starving artist and buy ten copies today!

Add to Technorati Favorites
My Zimbio
Blog Flux Directory
Literature Blogs
Literature
Top Blogs
blogarama - the blog directory
86%




 

About this Archive

This page is a archive of recent entries in the pets category.

life is the previous category.

product is the next category.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.

Technorati

Technorati search

» Blogs that link here

Pages