I'm following some advice from another dead chicken related blog, and posting a true story about the sexier side of zombie chicken lit. This is a true story, as far as you know. It has nothing to do with ways to increase traffic to my blog. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
A friend, we'll name him "Lucky," was working a book fair in PA, when he was approached at the booth by a hot brunette. She said she loved men who read, and was a fan of horror books. She looked "don't introduce me to your mother" hot, and so some serious flirtation ensured, resulting in my friend handing this strange vamp the key to his hotel room. His mind was full of conflicting thoughts. Was he going to get laid? Was he going to be robbed? The thought of this mysterious woman running off with all of his possessions made him anxious, but not as much as the promise of wild kinky sex. He called a co-worker to cover the booth, and then hurried up to his hotel room for what he hoped would be an afternoon of wild love making.
When he got to his room, he snapped the above picture with his phone before she woke up. Notice that she's holding a copy of Cluck, and not some other book with Cluck's cover photo-shopped over it. Needless to say, he sent me the picture -- but not until later, because she woke up and gave him a wild session of mid-day zombie-chicken sex play. She read my book aloud while exploring every sexual position imaginable (at least, all of them that left one hand free to hold "Cluck"). She had him clucking and scratching, and pretending to be covered with rotten white-meat -- everything that you would expect from a nasty kinky nymphomaniac -- until they finally climaxed with a duet of "cock-a-doodle-do!" that left Lucky a new man (and a vegetarian).
A friend, we'll name him "Lucky," was working a book fair in PA, when he was approached at the booth by a hot brunette. She said she loved men who read, and was a fan of horror books. She looked "don't introduce me to your mother" hot, and so some serious flirtation ensured, resulting in my friend handing this strange vamp the key to his hotel room. His mind was full of conflicting thoughts. Was he going to get laid? Was he going to be robbed? The thought of this mysterious woman running off with all of his possessions made him anxious, but not as much as the promise of wild kinky sex. He called a co-worker to cover the booth, and then hurried up to his hotel room for what he hoped would be an afternoon of wild love making.
When he got to his room, he snapped the above picture with his phone before she woke up. Notice that she's holding a copy of Cluck, and not some other book with Cluck's cover photo-shopped over it. Needless to say, he sent me the picture -- but not until later, because she woke up and gave him a wild session of mid-day zombie-chicken sex play. She read my book aloud while exploring every sexual position imaginable (at least, all of them that left one hand free to hold "Cluck"). She had him clucking and scratching, and pretending to be covered with rotten white-meat -- everything that you would expect from a nasty kinky nymphomaniac -- until they finally climaxed with a duet of "cock-a-doodle-do!" that left Lucky a new man (and a vegetarian).For those who aren't exactly astute, this is not a true story. If you followed the link to DeadRooster, you'll know that this is all about blog traffic.
More specifically, this post is an experiment in the effectiveness of DR's suggested tactics:
1. Use a photo of a hot babe for your avatar on social sites--possibly a hot blonde.
Okay, I'm not that active in social sites and I use a picture of my face inside an egg. But I've made up for that with the above photo.
2. Write a ten-word compelling title for your blog post.
Ten beautiful words: "Women Think Men Who Read Zombie Chicken Books are Hot"
3. Occasionally write long posts of between 600 and 900 words.
Long posts like this one, full of keywords like hot, babe, sex, woman, foreplay, and zombie rooster fetishism.
4. Encourage comments on your blog posts.
With a post like this, I'm probably encouraging flames more-so than comments, but I encourage you regardless.
5. My final word of advice is to help your fellow bloggers.
I put links to DeadRooster, as well as to Self Publishing Marketing Help, because this is ultimately about promoting my blog, which is ultimately about marketing my book. Which yes, I did alter in order to add my book cover.
If successful, my blog should see some seriously increased traffic. If not, I'll probably be shunned by the blogging community for resorting to dirty (pun intended) tricks. Yes, I know this is pathetic (even more so because I didn't think of it first) ... and I want to apologize for coining the term "zombie-chicken sex play."
Still, I have to think that real women would have to appreciate a man who's comfortable enough with himself to read zombie chicken books. As for DeadRooster, that's a site that I stumbled upon while searching around for other zombie-chicken related outlets. I've sent him a copy of Cluck and he'll hopefully be giving it a review soon. As far as increasing the number of visitors to a blog, only time will tell ...
[UPDATE: So far, this post has received seen a huge increase in hits compared to other posts .. something like + 300%. ]
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