Do You Accept Hilton HHonors?

I checked myself into the Hospital today. It seems that, three weeks ago, what I thought was "overdoing it" was actually the symptom of something deeper. They don't know what yet, only that I have an extremely elevated level of a certain chemical (CPK) in my blood. That chemical is the result of damaged muscle cells, and I don't have any reason why my muscles should be damaged.

[update: they suspect that it is Polymyositis but more tests are required to determine this]

The reason that I am in the hospital is that this chemical is harmful to my Kidneys (which I am fond of), and so I have to sit in a hospital bed hooked up to fluids while they figure what the cause is.

So basically my work week is no different than usual; I'm sitting in an unfamiliar room working on my laptop. It's not unlike a hotel, and the check-in process (via the ER) was no better or worse than the average jaunt through the airport. Consider the below comparison:

AIRPORT: Make you stand up in line

ER: You get to sit down

AIRPORT: They assume you are a terrorist and ask you questions like "has anyone put a bomb in your suitcase?"*

ER: They assume you are dying and ask you questions like "does it hurt when I push here?"

* They don't actually ask this anymore.

AIRPORT: They make you take off your shoes.

ER: They give you a pair of slippers to wear.

AIRPORT: If you need anything, you have to wait in line and (probably) pay for it.

ER: If you need anything you push a button and they bring things to you, but your Insurance pays for it.

HOTEL: Carpeted rooms

HOSPITAL: Cement floors, but free slippers

HOTEL: Room Service until 11pm

HOSPITAL: Room Service only from 6:30 - 6:30

HOTEL: Room Service will bring you cocktails.

HOSPITAL: No cocktails, but you might get a free pill in a cup.

HOTEL: Concierge carries your luggage, expects a tip.

HOSPITAL: They carry your stuff and they also push you around in a wheelchair. No tip required.

HOTEL: High Speed internet is almost always available.

HOSPITAL: No Internet, no cell phones.

HOTEL: Pee in a toilet, whenever you want to.

HOSPITAL: Pee into tupperware. Often on demand.

I haven't been in a hospital since the fourth grade, so i was particularly amazed that they have room service. Room Service? Come on! Whatever happened to wooden meat-loaf and Jell-O? If the doctors aren't good enough to dictate my diet to me with an iron fist, then I don't have much faith that they will be able to solve this muscle-mystery.

But regardless, all in all, this is turning into a rather productive setback. If only I got credit towards my Hilton HHonors, because the bill for this stay is gong to be a LOT more than $89 a night.