Ninja Donkeys Attack

For those who don't know, I am the proud (?) owner of two miniature donkeys. All ass jokes aside, they're pretty neat animals to have around. They don't serve any useful purpose, but make great pets if you live on a farm (which I do).

However, there is a dark side to donkeys. To my surprise, the jackasses have been silently plotting against me. That's right, I'm talking about ninja-donkeys. The martial-arts mules have been waiting until the time was right to reveal their new-found skills of ass-fu. That time was Saturday, while trying to get them to walk down a two-mile stretch of the White Mountain Highway.

Again, for those who don't know: Donkeys are stubborn. It's not a myth. They are also very strong, and rather heavy. They are also quite adept at the ancient arts of Ninjitsu. That said, if you have to fight one continuously over a two-mile distance, you will regret it. I now have:

• A sore hip
• Cuts all over one leg
• A nagging limp
• Internal Hemorrhaging
• A fervent desire to buy a donkey prison transport... err, I mean "trailer"

The trip/battle was all in an effort to show the little guys off at a local fair. For hours on end I was asked "Do they kick?", to which I would coldly reply "Yes. This one prefers the traditional donkey back kick, but that one has a nasty spinning butterfly kick. You'd better not get too close."